Friday, January 13, 2017

Compare and Contrast: EVE vs. IRL

(Seen on Reddit)

IRL has the full breadth of military machines, and it's all done as an FPS (again, like Star Citizen). EVE will never have this as the refresh rate of EVE is 1hz, while the refresh rate of IRL is approximately 5.39e-44 hz.

Thursday, January 12, 2017

Public Space Ganked

So now that flatscreen monitors are cheap, advertisers are finding ever more places in which they can use them to grind us further under the boot of industrial capitalism inform us of more delightful products.* So here in Taipei, there are ad-delivering screens in places like the back of taxis, elevators, and doctor's office waiting rooms.

We got some two new ones in our office building last week. Not in the elevators, but above the elevator floor indicators** on the first floor. They are advertising an online game. The game doesn't look very interesting, but what is interesting is the text in the frame above the screen:

上班十分鐘打一場 也能讓你Gank老闆

"Play one round in ten minutes at work, and you can also gank your boss."

It's interesting because of the use of the word "gank.". I learned this word back in the nineties. We used it to mean "steal," but with a connotation less like shoplifting, and more like borrowing your friend's Urge OverKill CD and not ever giving it back. When online games got serious, the meaning shifted to "egregiously kill." Example: if you and your enemy were running around shooting at each other and you finally go the upper hand, then you had killed him. But if he took one shot at you and in response you popped him with a rocket launcher, then you had ganked him.  

But I'm still surprised to see this word being used by Taiwan marketers. I showed five coworkers this picture and asked them if they knew what the English work "gank" meant. Four didn't know, the fifth said "kill in an online game." So I showed it to 14 year-old nephew and asked him. He said that gank means 偷襲 (tōuxí), or "sneak attack." So either the marketing is missing it's mark, or my company has an usually low percentage of gamers.

*Seriously, didn’t William Gibson predict this exact thing like 30 years ago? 

**That's probably not the right way to say that. You know what I mean though - the digital dislay that tells you what floor the elevator is currently on, and which direction it's going. 

Tuesday, January 10, 2017

Old Jamaica Ginger Blear

Found myself pushing just over 100 kg, so I decided to lay off the heavily-sugared teas and the carb-laden beers for a while. I had found a delicious and healthful alternative that had the added benefit of containing ginger, which is supposed to promote immune system functionality or balance your Chakras ar something like that. Old Jamaica Ginger Beer was surely the answer to my unhealthy lifestyle tendencies.

After a few days of diligently drinking ginger beer, I noticed that I had actually gained a kilogram. But I thought to myself: "Self, this body's metabolism is probably slowing down a bit as a reaction to the reduced daily caloric intake. Just keep drinking the ginger beer, and we'll gradually get back to our target weight (around 97 kg)."

But after another week, I weighed myself and saw with shock that I was now just under 103 kg. Something was very wrong. I mean, I knew that ginger beer was a healthy beverage, because I had clearly told this to myself many times. I checked the nutritional information on the can.

Let's see... 64 calories per 100 milliliters, and there are 330 ml in a can, so that's... 211 calories per can.

211 calories.

For reference, a 12 oz (330ml) can of Coke has 140 calories. A 16 ounce can of Budweiser has only 194 calories. I have effectively been fattening myself up for the Lunar New Year holiday.

Stupid Jamaicans.

Monday, January 09, 2017


FOMO is "Fear of Missing Out" (which means it should probably be 'FoMo,' because the prepositions don't need to be capitalized). Its definition is:

"anxiety that an exciting or interesting event may currently be happening elsewhere, often aroused by posts seen on a social media website."
 It's evidently a phenomenon for today's young people.

I am raising a teenager, and I am glad that he doesn't have FOMO at all. He has FoNBAtPLoL, also known as "Fear of Not Being Allowed to Play League of Legends." From the perspective of a parent or guardian, this is not a bad thing at all. Homework? Chores? Behavior at school? FoNBAtPLoL keeps it all sorted.

Sunday, January 08, 2017

I think the girl's strategy is sound. If I were shambling into a house so I could eat the brains of everyone inside and I stepped on a wet sponge, I'd be all like "Ewww, gross!" Then I'd go find a different house.

Saturday, January 07, 2017

We can pork if we want to
We can leave your friends behind
'Cause your friends don't pork and if they don't pork
Well, they're no friends of mine

Tuesday, January 03, 2017

Maybe he has the need... just can't see it. Judging from the drawing, I guess they are talking about the need for... heroin?

It's my fault

Everyone *told* me that there was no way I could dual-wield longswords. Honestly, I think I kind of deserved the mocking that ensued.


Thursday, December 29, 2016

Don't Get Kung-Fooled

When choosing a martial arts school, most people will make a decision based on factors such as the training facilities, the age and experience of the instructors, and the street applicability of the martial art being taught. But that’s all wrong. The most important thing to consider when choosing a martial arts school is: How cool is the school logo?

And that’s why I’m going to enroll at ‘International Centre for Special Training Battle.’ 

Tuesday, December 27, 2016

Masons? What's wrong with the Masons? I'm a  Mason!



Thursday, December 22, 2016

True Story

The R & D department of the U.S. army created what they believed was the world’s most narrow drill bit. To show off their technical prowess, they sent a sample to the engineering division of the Russian army.

Three weeks later, they received a package in the mail. Inside the package, they found their drill bit. Looking at one end of the bit, they could see that the Russians had drilled a hole down the center!

The following month, one of the American researchers was showing the bit to a Swedish colleague while telling him the story of the ingenious Russians. The Swede asked to take the bit back to his lab for further analysis, and the American agreed. Six days later, the Americans arrived at their office to find a small box on the doorstep. Inside the box was the drill bit and a magnifying glass. When the Americans used the magnifier to look into the end of the bit, they saw that the Swedes had engraved the Swedish national anthem on the walls of the hole drilled by the Russians!

By now the story of the drill bit had become well-known, and the bit was placed in a glass display case in the lobby of the American R & D facility. But one morning when the army researchers arrived at work, the display case was found to be empty! Four days later, the Americans received a DHL package from an unknown address in Tokyo. With feelings of resignation, they opened the package and took out the drill bit. Using a microscope, they peered into the hole, and saw 2 teams of nanotech robots with 11 players each playing soccer on the curved surface of the inner hole!